


"I didn't even say it back, Sammy"

by OnlyForward



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bisexual Dean Winchester, Dean Has A Dream, Destiel - Freeform, Destiel is canon, Established Castiel/Dean Winchester, M/M, bit fucked up, wants cas back
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:40:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27531652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnlyForward/pseuds/OnlyForward
Summary: “I just let him go,” Dean says, eyes conveying deep misery. “I didn’t even say goodbye. I didn’t even get to say it back, Sammy. I didn’t even get to tell him.”There's only one thing that can mean.
Relationships: Castiel & Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Destiel
Comments: 1
Kudos: 68





	"I didn't even say it back, Sammy"

There’s a heartwrenching scream from the other room. Sam runs in, restrains Dean so he can stop thrashing. “Dean. Dean.” He doesn’t want to do this again. It’s been like this ever since…well.

It’s a firm hold Sam places on his brother, and Dean wakes, spluttering and tears flowing. “Sammy. Sammy.”

“I’m here, Dean. I’m fine. We’re both fine.” Sam lets his brother go, sees his hold of himself crumple and returns back to support him. Dean looks up, looks around. His eyes are painfully filled with tears.

“Cas? Cas?” It’s the same routine. His older brother screams, Sam wakes him. Then he calls for Sam, and is reassured by the presence of his brother, and then he calls out for Castiel. He calls out for his angel, a man who’s family and yet more than family, somehow.

“Cas…” Sam pauses. “Cas isn’t here right now.” _Cas is with the Empty_ , are the words Sam can’t bring himself to tell Dean who is still semi-asleep. Whenever Dean wakes up from one of these dreams, he has no idea what happened to Cas: like his brain is making him forget during the night. Sam can’t bring himself to tell Dean that he’s gone every night - can’t beg him to go back to sleep when he’s just relearned that Cas isn’t here, and won’t be for a while.

But not tonight. Dean seems to have a level of awareness he doesn’t have normally, but the emotional high he only seems to get when he’s half asleep has remained. The gruff voice and emotional resilience drops, now, and he emulates a child with his actions and reliance upon people.

“I just let him go,” Dean says, eyes conveying deep misery. “I didn’t even say goodbye. I didn’t even get to say it back, Sammy. I didn’t even get to _tell him_.”

There’s only one thing that can mean, and Sam hasn’t been bloody well blind. Of course both of them are in love with each other - he’d thought it was something they both avoided out of necessity, knowing with the dangers and challenges they faced on the daily they wouldn’t be compatible yet. All hunters knew getting into relationships just wasn’t compatible with the lives they led.

Privately, Sam had thought that once Dean had had enough of killing, he’d take Castiel aside and finally, finally release all the tension that they carried around with them. It killed Sam to see them both clearly pining, but it hadn’t occurred to him until he’d found Dean curled around himself, with Cas missing, that the other didn’t know about the requited feelings.

In fact, it was heart-breaking to see the aftermath of Dean, who was clearly just about broken inside but kept the gruff voice up for as long as until they got into the hotel, when he had simply hugged Sam for about half an hour, and then retreated off to go and sleep.

It had been weeks. Sam was feeling remarkably guilty that they hadn’t found and rescued Cas yet. “We’ll get him back, Dean.” He’s confident in it, nudging Dean’s shoulder. “Hey, we’ll get him back, yeah, and then you can say it back.”

“Yeah,” Dean sniffles. “Yeah. We’ll get him back.” And Sam Winchester has never wished for anything to go more right in his life than this mission, but he preys to every living being on Earth that Dean Winchester gets his angel back.


End file.
